AFRICAN
INDIAN
Okay, the title of this is a little misleading, it wasn’t as much restored, since I’d picture that as a hard drive on a computer that crashed and needed to be restored. In the case of my memory, it was more like my memory went on vacation later gradually returned.
I’d say it
was like vacationing in Miami and making your way back with stops at every
beach on the Atlantic coast until I had to make a left at Atlantic City. That
metaphor – or analogy – is not quite how it was. That would be an enjoyable
return; quite possibly, one I’d want to prolong as long as possible.
Not in my
vacation into memory loss. That would be more like vacationing in a swamp
filled with creatures, all of which I’m afraid. I’d be making my way from swamp
to swampy swamp, anxious to finally get home.
All was not
lost, or on the path to totally lost, as I feared. It went kind of like this.
I went to my
neurologist for my regular visit and told him I’d been struggling with memory
issues. To confirm this, I showed him the results to a test from a prestigious
Internet site, where I had scored poorly.
My doctor, I’ll
call Dr S, looked over the results, and looked like he was really interested.
After he read it, he reached into a file and pulled out a piece of paper and
turned to me with a handsome smile. Yes, I noticed the latter. I don’t know if
Ken noticed, but he was right there.
Dr. S told
me he’d feel better if I were to take a clinical test he preferred to use. I
immediately felt my stress level rise by several degrees.
At first, I
was surprised by the ease of the test. I got the first question correct, my
name. Joking. Actually, my first challenge was to copy a drawing of a box. Now
I’m not an artist, and it did take me a while; but after making a few
corrections, I drew what looked close to the original. Well, fairly close.
Next, I did
a kind of follow the dots, with sequentially, alternating letters and numbers. I’m
not certain that is how it would be described, but as the test is over, it
doesn’t matter.
Following
that was identifying pictures of three African animals, though I wasn’t sure
the one was actually African or Indian. I know one of those elephants has big
ears the other smaller ears. Since I didn’t remember which was which, I decided
not to show off and just stuck with plain elephant.
The counting
forward and backward was easy since I do that every night as a futile way of
lulling myself into sleep. There were a few other questions that were so easy I’ve
forgotten what they were.
My brief
moments of relief were followed by terror as the test grew more difficult. I
had to remember a series of words. Unrelated words. Five unrelated words. I was never very good at this. I’d even taken
a memory course once and tried to remember what I learned.
Face.
Velvet. Church. Daisy. Red. I breathed a sigh of relief when I got them right.
As we moved on I started to relax, until he once again asked me to repeat the
five words. Yikes! Would I remember?
Well, I’m
not a writer for nothing. I mentally said, “Her face felt like velvet.” I omitted
the unnecessary words. I stalled on the middle one, a sign I hadn’t been there
in a long time. Maybe time to start going again. I finally remembered. Then
followed with, “Daisy’s aren’t red.” Again, omitting the unnecessary words.
Worse, were
the math questions! I nearly froze. They were all subtraction. Thank goodness,
they were all less than ten so I could use my fingers. I think Dr. S might have
gotten suspicious had I slipped off my shoes.
After a few
more questions, I was finished with the one-page exam. It had felt more like
one those standardized tests from high school. Whew! I waited patiently for Dr.
S to review my answers. When he looked up at me I noticed an expression of
surprise in his warm, brown eyes.
Finally, he
spoke. He started by stating he’d been using the test for his entire medical
career. He was even a Fellow; and, I don’t’ think that means a man. Anyone
could tell that.
He concluded
– not to brag (my words, not his) – in all those years I was the FIRST person
to ever get 30 out of 30 questions correct. I’d passed!
My memory
passed the test.
Even his
reminding me that the results could change in twenty years didn’t deter my
excitement. For now, I had nothing to worry about.
I am not
losing my memory. He thinks my problem is lack of sleep. He ordered a sleep
study because I am morbidly obese. I hate those words!!!! Well, if I can pass
the memory test, I can change that from morbidly obese to just plain obese. I
might even be able to make it to a tiny bit over weight. Could I ever make it
to slim? I wonder.
Okay, the
thought in the last four paragraphs remained in my mind on the drive home. I
texted my son to brag. I called my mother to brag. She thought it was some kind
of IQ test and that her daughter is a genius. I did not correct her.
It wasn’t
until we were safely home my now level of calm changed screaming off the charts
fear. I’m claustrophobic! A sleep study at some point requires wearing a face
mask that supplies positive pressure air.
No! No! No!
Memories of a panic attack when I got stuck inside my turtleneck shirt
returned. My screams when I put a hooded sweatshirt backward flashed through my
mind. Memories of nearly jumping off the table prior to surgery, when the technician
went to place a mask over my face. Thank goodness the drugs knocked me out
before I started screaming because I realized I was strapped down.
Oh, and the
humiliation of tears, panic, shortness of breath and chest pains came rushing
back as I remembered the time I tried wearing an SCBA, the air pack firefighters
wear. That’s another story.
There is no
way I’ll know how I’ll handle this stress test. I’d managed to avoid it for
years saying I couldn’t afford it. We still can’t. Will that excuse work? Or,
will I be humiliated again? I’m sure I’ll be back to tell you after the study
is complete; or, I get out of it.
Until then,
I will just focus on my high scores in yesterday’s test.
